Posts tagged with “sadness”

November 24

If death disturbs, think on it...

Believe it or not thinking of Jimmy Saville and the fact of his death and influences spreading there from startled me from my bed. I lie - it was thinking of my childhood and my father that had me in the sweats tonight. But I do not find the comparison so odious nor so hard to make (of course this would disgust my father and indeed my family, but what of that?). However and though the link may seem obscure it is not really. Jim "fixed it" for kids (the phrase must surely echo down spreading horror now, how many abusers was he really "the fixer" for?) but was the sin all his, no there must have been countless folks who simply stood by and did nothing.... But this is not what I was thinking of again, I lie and it tells a tale that I distract with macabre and horrific tales, perhaps they feel the only adequate camouflage for what I perceive as an equal horror, an equal omission. The standing by as my mothers life drained from her poor young body, as the poison took hold. For surely this was done? Surely someone could have saved her? And surely someone could have seen how affected, almost, one could say, afflicted, I was and maybe tried to help me? [edit] But I am probably missing it - they probably did. Shame they failed... but at least they tried... [/edit]
11:41 PM | 0 Comments | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
October 26

A shock and a sadness

I am still slightly reeling emotionally after sending an email copied to all the members of the reading group I can remember (or have addresses for) talking about Christmas and next year's reading list possibilities (hoping for J.P.Donleavy).

Then I heard from a fellow member that one of the most lovely members of the library staff died in August.  She had been ill for a little while apparently beforehand and although this must have overlapped with, maybe, some of the time she was there I had no inkling.  Nor had I heard anything of it from anyone else at the library or at the reading group...

But none of that matters really, it feels like nervous chatter.

What matters is that she was a lovely librarian, a sensitive and kind lady, someone who added a lot to my life with the library and I am certain for many others.  She will be missed and I do not know her personally enough to have much insight, but I sincerely hope it was peaceful at the end.  When I find out the condition or hospital/hospice which may have been involved then in absence of any instruction she may have left I shall make donation in her memory.

Normally, as you may be aware, I keep a limit on the personal nature of what features on this blog.  But since the theme is highly literary it does not seem I can ignore this and since the death has passed I am not sure what more I can do than recognise her absence and celebrate what she gave to mine and others lives - to the world.  At least she will not have to witness the cuts to the library service that seem imminent, cuts of some considerable severity no doubt .

Over the previous weekend I attended my first ever Quaker Meeting for marriage too - it was very special and I baked cake (along with five others!), breakfasted with everyone, worshipped, and witnessed along with perhaps sixty or seventy others (the certificate was HUGE!)... I say all of this because it makes the death a very stark contrast and at the same time brings into focus the Quaker advice to celebrate the life as you mourn the absence of a person.

And to top it off I have stopped smoking.  It is not so bad, I am confident of not relapsing to smoke again, but at the same time I am very conscious of how fragile life is, how easily we take our good health and lives for granted.

If I knew it would be appreciated at all I would dedicate this entry to the memory of the said Librarian.  But I think she would not like that.  Condolences to the comments would be most welcomed by myself though - that is just the sort of thing blogs are good for.  I shall even lay one in tribute myself, when I find a suitable poem (she liked poetry... I feel really sad about this.... but also hopeful that, so long as it was anonymous, she may have felt it was a good thing).

She will be missed and remembered by me and by others, she touched our lives and left them better for that.

07:22 AM | 2 Comments | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
August 08

Today I am sad....

and the reason is that this morning on BBC World Service I learned that [[David Fanshaw]] died recently at the age of 68....

It may not have been my favourite piece to perform, but [[African Sanctus]] was memorable for the fact that the composer, Mr Fanshaw, personally supervised our performance at the dress rehearsal and when he conducted and at the actual performance when he controlled the mixing desk.

He may have been an outspoken eccentric, I may not have loved the music he made, but even then he sang well enough and carried the piece of music with such enthusiasm it was irresistable.  He even told us of his student days in the area when he would hitch lifts to the coast.  And his wife was in charge of CD sales and many years his junior, so I really feel for her surviving him...

Sad day indeed - they played "Lord's Prayer" from the Sanctus dedicated to the composer and it was a lovely memory with which to pray for him... Amen

07:24 AM | 1 Comment | Tags: , ,